I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
