I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
