I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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