tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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