ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
