Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
