So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
