fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
