I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
