Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
