So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
