He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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