i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
