I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
