i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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