It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
