Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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