either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
