You work out of a Hotel?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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