my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
