It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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