It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
