you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
