Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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