WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just want to make out with him forever
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
