I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
