ya dads aren't the best wingmen
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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