i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
