I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
