So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize