its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
