I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i drank out of a bidet.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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