There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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