Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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