Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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