a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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