he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
