That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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