I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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