xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
