Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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