at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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