hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize