Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
