from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
