he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
