Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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