opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
