Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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