I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I have already put on my inside pants.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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