Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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