you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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