It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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