they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
