well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
