i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize