stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
