i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
