a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We got so high we made milksteak
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
