YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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