btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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