just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
