he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
