That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So many bounce houses so little time
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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