i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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