i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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