Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
