the condom got lost in my hair
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
