you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
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THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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