Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
