i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
