Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
