I met the friendliest cop last night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
