So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Randomize
