someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
